Funk Bros Trademark 'Having Your Head Up Your Ass'

SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA- In a recent 'Funkisode', Corey and Capron Funk announced that, in addition to the recent SMX controversy, they have trademarked the phrase "Having your head up your ass".

This is quite a bold move for the brothers, with the rise in popularity of their own YouTube channel "Funk Bros" on which they post "Funkisodes" which usually comprise of shots of Corey Funk in bed, them getting fast food, promoting the SMX name, and the occasional flair.

We spoke with Capron Funk who stated: "Look, we don't want people to get the wrong idea, the only reason we trademarked the phrase is because we're the best in the world at having our heads stuck our asses, and we want people to take our obliviousness seriously. It was just to protect our own best interests. We get that some people might have an issue with this decision, which is cool, but we don't care."

Unfortunately this was all we were able to get from from Funk before shortly after, he completely disappeared up his own ass.

Quote Of The Week: "Just talk to my mom, man"

Classic! Good one Capron!

Juzzy Carter Gets Mistaken For Chanel West Coast, Accidentally Hosts Rediculousness

HOLLYWOOD, CA- In a confusing turn of events, it appears that Australian tech rider Justin "Juzzy" Carter has been mistaken to be celebrity model/television host Chanel West Coast. Carter subsequently found himself hosting an episode of Rob Dyrdek's Rediculosness, a show which West Coast co-hosts alongside Sterling "Steelo" Brim.
The show's host Rob Dyrdek stated "... I was pretty confused, Chanel wasn't using her annoying laugh as much as she usually does, she also isn't usually Australian but hey I thought she was just trying something new."
Reports say that Carter was riding a rail spot nearby the studio when producers for the show spotted him, and immediately escorted him to the set.
When we asked Juzzy about about this, he told us "Yeah mate it was hectic, one minute I'm stacking clips in this banger of a rail, then the next I'm sitting next to Eric Andre on a couch watching Rob Dyrdek say 'Oh my God!' over, and over again. I was definitely keen to be there, but I had no idea why they kept calling me 'Chanel' all the time, and by the end of it I was definitely ready to wheeze the juice somewhere else."

Top Ten Things in Scootering That Need to End

10. Eight Year Olds with Instagram Accounts
Didn't these little shitheads ever get that lecture from their parents on why social media users are all going to be kidnapped from their bedrooms one night?


9. Using Ty Segall and the Black Lips in EVERY FUCKING VIDEO

Ty Segall and the Black Lips are both very good artists, but just because you saw your favorite pro use them in a video doesn't mean that you have to use a song from them too. Be more creative


8. Shitty Rap Music in Videos

Theres plenty of great music that's not rap. There's plenty of great music that IS rap. This does not mean that you have to use a super ignorant rap song about weed and lean.

7. Scooter Riders Moving to Portland

Spread out across the country, spread out across the whole world for fuck's sake, just cause Portland is a super "weird" hipster place to go doesn't mean that you have to live there.


6. Prescott "No Ice"'s Youtube Comments    

You may know Prescott as "YUNG X PBERRY" (his youtube account) as the kid who tried to be Michael Mankong and comment "noice" on every youtube video. Prescott must not own a computer because noice autocorrected to "no ice" every time he tried to post it. If you upload a scootering-themed youtube video, you can bet good money that the comment "No Ice" will show up.


5. Quitting Scootering

Self explanatory


4. AO

They pay 10 bucks for fuckin instaclips and you try telling me that their riders aren't in it for the money. It's a joke (sort of) you butthurt AO riders, laugh for once.


3. SMX

Its not SMX, its scootering. Fucking deal with it.


2. Filming Tons of "Chill" Instaclips but Never Releasing a Video Part

If you need an explanation on why this is fucking stupid then I don't know what to say.


1. ZEECHES  

 For those of you who don't know, a zeech is a boardslide where the scooter is almost parallel to the rail, instead of being at a proper 90 degree angle with the rail. Some riders do these on purpose, which is equally bad. Zeeching is the number one thing that must end in scootering.

Keith Zadig added to Ambush Pro Team

ATLANTA, GA- Saying that he's "Super amped to be a part of the team!", Keith Zadig announced that he had been added to the Ambush Scooters pro team.

News of this officially broke yesterday at around 7pm eastern time, after Zadig had posted in a RideWire thread that he had been added, adding how enthusiastic he was to ride the new Ambush Deck.

While he was unable to discuss this deal too greatly, Zadig said that this deal first started to form on a recent trip to the Northwest, where he ran into the owner of Ambush during a session on Skatebarn West, in Renton, WA.

Zadig also added that "Although nothing's official yet, I am currently in contact with East2West scooters, and that dude from Australia who makes the 'Hella Dank SCS', for potentially representing."

UPDATE: Rob Wass, Ricky Cox, and Nate Wagoner have all just joined Ambush as well.

BREAKING NEWS: 'Ryan Williams Web Edit 3' Release Date Scheduled For 2076

QUEENSLAND, AUSTRALIA- This just in----In a recent statement made to his social media accounts, Ryan Williams announced that the release date for his long-anticipated "Web Edit Three" will likely be sometime in 2076.

Williams stated "I'm excited to announce that my Web Edit 3 is almost done! I only have a few clips left to land, after that it's editing time. Expect it to drop sometime 2076. Comment what songs you think I should use!"

Funeral Held For Rider Who Deletes Instagram

YOUNGSTOWN, OH- Last week friends and fellow scooter riders gathered to remember Chris Harrington, 16, of Youngstown Ohio, who recently deleted his Instagram account. His friends remember him as a young up and coming rider, who would always take extra care in taking pictures of his scooter parts for his IG account, and had the "dopest" Instavids.

We managed to speak to Chris about this, and he was kind enough to shed some light on it.
"I just wasn't feeling Instagram anymore. I was so sick of whoring myself out for followers and spending the first 45 minutes at a spot trying to take a good picture of it. I was on my phone the other day and saw a "#SMX" on a video and I was like 'This is it, this is the worst thing in the entire world', and that was basically the final straw, and I deleted my account. I don't get why everybody's making such a big deal out of it, it's like I died or something."

While the teen is seems to be in perfectly good health and still rides frequently, it is sad to see a young rider go so soon.  It's nice that he wants to ride for his own enjoyment, but Harrington is missing out on what's most important, without his Intagram he'll never be able to get 2k subscribers, and certainly never reach the nirvana of the scootering world, Sponsorship.

Friends might pass his name around from time to time, reminiscing on the time Jeremy Beau (@jeremybeau) liked his photo, but it seems without his IG account, Harrington will cease to exist.