Little Kid With Bike Helmet Announces Plan To Fuck Up Your Line

FITCHBURG, MA- Sources have confirmed that local skatepark inhibitor, Tucker Collins has announced his plan to fuck up your shit.
The six year old Leominster native can often be seen riding his weird three-wheeled thing around at the Fitchburg Skatepark, located in Fitchburg Massachusetts, while his mom sits by on a local bench playing 'Candy Crush Saga' on her phone.
Collins stated "It's really a quite simple plan actually. First I'm going to ride my weird three wheeled thing in circles around the bottom area of the transition, maybe even carving up the transition (anywhere between 6" and 1'), just to make sure nobody can get a run in without worrying about me. Then, I'll ride up to where everybody is rolling in to take a run, just to make it seem like I'm going to stop, and then I'll turn back around and go back to riding in circles.
If I see anyone trying to film a line I'll focus them more heavily, possible even falling right in front of where they're trying to ride,  I'll lay down and cry for... anywhere between five and fifteen minutes, depending on how long I feel I can milk it.
 It's great, my mom will come over and yell at everyone trying to ride for not watching out for me, I might even ask my mom what a rimjob is and say I overheard it from the teenagers trying to film, she'll go off on them."
It seems there is a big and bright future for Tucker. We asked him if there's anything he'd like to add to the matter, to which he told us "I'd like to thank my mom, without her parental incompetence and irresponsibility, none of this would ever be possible."

Zack Martin's Patagonia Vest Revealed to Have Super Powers

Vista, Ca. Professional scooter rider Zack Martin was recently exposed as using performance-enhancers when he rides scooters. The drug? His Patagonia Synchilla fleece vest. Apparently, the vest has magic powers, as it had a spell cast on it by a Haitian witch-doctor. Whenever Zack does a trick, the vest enhances his ability on rails, gaps, ledges, walls, transition, and even flatground.  When confronted about the vest, Zack had no response. It is unknown how it got into his possession. In a recent interview with Zack's sponsor, Proto Scooters, it was revealed that Zack will NOT be removed from the team. Why? "Because nobody else has that jacket," says spokesperson Andrew Broussard. However, it has been noted that all of Zack's footage will feature a discliamer informing the viewer about the vest.

Urbanartt Leaves the City: Meet Suburbanartt!

Yes, the rumors are true. Europe's most popular scootering company is changing direction. Recently, they have changed location from Paris, France to Bethesda, Maryland. Why? "Because as we get older and more mature we need to settle down in a quieter place, maybe raise some children" says team rider JD Randriambelson. The company has announced that instead of urban-based graphics on their decks they will now have pictures of nicely mowed lawns, mcmansions, and mini-vans complete with soccer moms. "The future holds big things" says Randriambelson. One thing is for sure, ScooterDad is going to want to partner up really quick!

Old Geezer Drops Actual Edit

EVERYWHERE - LMAOOO I'M DEAD (Crying Emoji) look at this fucking chode spending time and making a full length edit. What a waste of time he's not even going to get any Insta-followers from this. It's like 5 minutes long so I just skipped to the ender because they used some gay song with guitars in it. Like dude just cut your hair and start making daily vlogs already. Stop riding for the wrong reasons and start landing more worldies like @jordanclark14 and you might actually go somewhere.