Predicted Trends Of 2016

Every year the scooter community is blessed with the appearance of all sorts of new trends. Trends come and go, some are neat, some are not so neat. We here are the Stripped Clamp used a series of algorithms and oracles to predict what the big trends of 2016 will be, and layed it all out for y'all.


1) Tailwhips

Tailwhips are seriously such a fucking neat trick. Tailwhips have come and gone in popularity in the past but for 2016 they're going to be huge, even street riders will be doing them.

2) Not Referring To Any Sort Of Criticism As 'Hater Comments'

This is a big one for sure. Everyone knows that offering constructive criticism for a video in the Youtube comments section is basically cyberbulling, but somehow for 2016 it seems like people might start taking that criticism to heart, as opposed to calling them haters. Insane.

3) Still having Respect For Riders Who Make Vlogs With Clickbaitey Titles And Dont Involve Scooters, Just To Get Views

"We're just trying to introduce scootering to a broader audience"

4) Shouting 'Maximum Neatage' after landing a trick

Everybody's going to be doing it. There's nothing you can do, just accept it.

5) Reporting Michael Mankong's YouTube Comments

Just click the little down arrow to the right of the comment, select "Report spam or abuse", and then "Pornography or sexually explicit material".

6) Park Style VS. Street Style

Fashion has always been a big deal from year to year. For 2016 the big styles for park riders will be "Good Charlotte" t-shirts, parachute pants, S.O.A.P. shoes, and stealing pairs of socks from Tanner Fox's house. Street riders will wear mostly the same uniform (depending on what street skaters are wearing) with the addition of neon snow pants and Osiris shoes.

7) Quitting Scooters

"I have a girlfriend now and she's really hot and sucks my dick you fucking queermoes"

8) Using The Song 'Perfect' by Simple Plan For Edits

Nobody will be surprised by this one. The scooter community has seen it's fair share of trendy bands and songs such as Passion Pit's hit "Sleepyhead" and every Tame Impala song, but this is going to take off. You're going to be hearing this song on ALL Instaclips and "Welcome to" edits, no question.

9) Promising A Video Only To Release A Scene From 'Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties' 

Ha! Classic!

10) Actually Having Fun

We know, it's insane. This is one came far out of left field. Although it will probably cause many people to quit, a big trend we're going to be seeing is people to actually start riding their scooters for their own enjoyment.

Scooter Rider Convinced Minute Long Intro Necessary for Throwaway Edit

POWAY, CA- Stating that there's "Just no other way around it", local scooter rider Tyson Cox defends his stance that a minute long intro is absolutely necessary for his two-minute "Throwaway Edit".

This is in response to criticism from his friend Kyle who didn't get why there wasn't a trick landed until 1:03 in the video. Even though the video is an ambitious two-minutes in length, some might still think that a minute long intro might potentially take away from it, which Cox proves is certainly not the case.

Cox's video starts with a black screen displaying his Youtube account name (tcscootz02) with copyright free trap music playing, then suddenly fades to a black and white clip of Cox lying on the ground, while the song "Beast Mode" by Jake Miller starts to play (which to the best of our records, has never been used in a video before). The viewer is then treated to a riveting 46 seconds of  falls, knuckle bumps, and even a shot of him waxing a ledge, which surprisingly was never even ridden in the video. As if he didn't already put in enough effort for this video, the intro also includes a slow motion shot of Cox putting on his helmet, which is later followed by another shot of him removing his helmet.

Tyson was kind enough to speak to us for a short time about his recent video, to which he said.
"Look I really wanted to take this throwaway video seriously, step up the game on it. In the end it was an artistic decision, there was a certain aesthetic I was going for which the intro played crucially into. If you're not on the same artistic wavelength as me you're just not going to get it, it'll go completely over your head. I knew all thirteen of my Youtube subscribers were expecting big things from me, and I'm confident I delivered."

Friend Recounts Time He Got Hit In The Shins With Deck

HACKETTSTOWN, NJ- After stating that he "Used to f-ck around on those things all the time", Ryan McManus friend of scooter rider Danny Donovan, went on to explain how bad it hurts to get hit in the shins with the deck. 

"Dude you must get hit in the shins all the time, right? That's the worst pain I've ever felt. I would be spinning the deck around and then out of nowhere like BAM! the deck would hit me right in the shin and I'd be on the ground for like 15 minutes." 

McManus then went on to ask if Donovan can do "That flip thing", saying he saw a video of some guy doing it.

Donovan said he can but that he cant right now because "he like doesn't have a ramp or anything", then explained to his friend that you actually don't get hit in the shins that often once you "Don't suck", but obliged in agreeing that it does hurt. 

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FlipTech Scooters Revealed To Be Owned By Craig From Mondo Burger

SAN DIEGO, CA- In a recent, and surprising turn of events, "Mike" the CEO and Founder of FlipTech Scooters has been arrested and revealed to be "Craig", the former CEO of burger chain "Mondo Burger", which has long been shut down.

This is not Craig's first run in with the law, in 1997 Craig was arrested on multiple felony counts for his role in Mondo Burger's use dangerous chemicals, and for attempting to put rival burger joint "Good Burger" out of business by poisoning Ed's "Special Sauce". Luckily, a few Good Burger employees were able to put an end to Craig's lameness with the help of some inmates from the Demented Hills Asylum. He was  sentenced to 15 years in prison, which he served eight of before being released due to good behavior.

"Mike" was arrested on January 9th, at his southern California home after a long undercover investigation which discovered "FlipTech Scooters" was just a front to raise money to restart Mondo Burger.

We spoke to one of the detectives on the case who told us "It was honestly the easiest investigation we've ever conducted, once we saw that someone was trying to raise money for a kickflipping scooter, we realized that the only person capable of seeming that disconnected to their target audience had to be the guy who started Mondo Burger, like seriously that's the worst product ever."

Solochristo Founder Joey Aria Converts to Judaism

Warrenton, VA. Devout Christian scooter rider Joey Aria, star of such films as "The 777 Project" and "My Own Style Web Edit" has recently announced on his facebook that he no longer believes that Jesus Christ is the son of god. "The facts just point straight to Judaism," says Aria. "If Jesus was really the son of god then how come god doesn't get full custody?" When asked what will become of Aria's religious scooter crew, Solochristo, Aria responded "Simple, we're just Solomoses now."

Bad Scooter Rider Quits to be Even Worse at BMX

PELHAM, NH- Posting on his Facebook account "BMX 4 life" (followed by numerous heart-eyed emojis), Hudson Skatepark native Chase D'angelo, announced that he was ending his illustrious four month scooter career in order to fully focus his attention on sucking literal ass at BMX. Many have suspected this decision for a while, due to reported sightings of him sitting on his bike at the skatepark doing nothing, and his increased amount of  Instagram posts of his bike with pop-punk lyrics.

We spoke to one of D'angelo's former riding friends who told us "Yeah of course we knew, all of us at the park did but nobody gave a shit. That kid f-cking blew at scootering, he would just sit on the ledges all day asking kids what the weird sound his scooter was making was from, and then maybe he'd take a run and almost land a double whip then sit back down for the rest of the day. It sucks even more now because he just sits there, maybe takes a run every 20 minutes- snaking everybody and doing no tricks, and yells at all of us that we're snaking him and calls us 'scooter fags'.

Chase has been fairly busy with blowing at BMX recently, but he was able to take time out of his busy schedule to speak to us and say: "Maybe I wasn't the best at scootering, but that's because scootering is gay and I'm definitely not gay, I'm serious I'm not f-cking gay dude. Anyways I lift mad weights and BMX involves way more strength because it's not for fags so I'm sick at it."

Chase was a valuable member of the scooter community and his presence will surely be missed. The sky is the limit with how bad he can be at BMX, and we wish him the best, in all of his future endeavors of mediocrity in the search for validation.

Ninjalifestyle Quits Skating to Pursue Career in Scootering: "This Shits Just so Much Fun"

Youtube sensation and Revive Skateboards pro Steven aka. Black Ninja has recently announced that he will be quitting skateboarding to pursue a lifelong dream riding scooters. "Scooters have always been something I've just really looked up to" says Ninja "This shits just so much fun, I mean now that I've mastered scootering, I don't have to feel ashamed of riding in my local skatepark!" Go pursue your dream Ninja, we look forward to seeing your new videos!

10 Worst Scooter Riders

10. James Gee-----You have filmed the same line with the feeble heel, the double whip flat, and the front feeble truck driver probably 100 times. Any 12 year old from TIC can do that.

9. Zig Short-----Because sex changing when you do board slides is sooooooo cool!

8. Joey Aria-----Its not so much that he is bad at scootering as it is the fact that he constantly shares his "My Own Style!" web edit from 3 years ago still to this day

7. Brian Murphy-----Has about as much style as a sweatpant-and-new-balance-wearing pedophile

6. Hunter Bechtle-----The man is literally a potato on a scooter

5. Timothy Jenkins-----You don't know him, but he's a real piece of shit

4. Ninjalifestyle-----Although he claims to have "mastered" the sport of scootering, let me assure you, he is far from the best

3.Jeremy Malott-----Was cyber bullied out of scootering

2. Dakota Schuetz-----The self proclaimed "Number One Ranked Scooter Rider" who is clearly only in it for the money and has TERRIBLE body odor (so I've heard)

1. Scooter-----This German DJ has never actually been filmed on a scooter, which makes me wonder why he is currently one of the top ranked riders in our action sport

Kota Announces He Might Endorse a Product that Isn't Terrible

SAN DIEGO, CA- Posting on his social media accounts that he "...is feeling a change of heart", 4x World Champion, Dakota Scheutz announced that he is interested in endorsing a worthy product, for a change.

 Many have speculated that this is in response to Kota's recent endorsement of the "FlipTech Scooter", a scooter which has a rotating deck allowing it the ability to Kickflip, and more importantly break quicker, allowing the consumer to throw it away sooner. The announcement of this product sparked almost unanimous criticism from the scooter community, except for Mike, the CEO/Founder of FlipTech, who stated: "I think the FlipTech Scooter is really cool! look the deck spins!."

Kota was kind enough to speak on this, to which he told us:
 "...yeah I don't know man, I guess I kinda want to start promoting companies who actually care about the growth of scootering, and not just ones trying to make it into something it's not for a quick buck, or huge ones that claim to be 'Helping the sport grow' but really don't give a sh-t about it, as long as they move their product. I was about to sign on to promote an app called 'Sickklipz', which automatically uploaded your clips to Instagram so you didn't have to wait forever to make an actual edit when I was like, 'Hey, this is kind of bogus, and if I dont drop it -pronto-, I'll be just as bogus'. The whole thing changed my whole view, man. I just wanna go out and shred some gnar on a decent scooter, without worrying about six wheeled scooters and eight year contracts. All I need are some tasty airs, a cool buzz, and I'm fine."

It is still unclear what his next step is, but he informed us that he has something "Totally righteous" in store for the future.